Red Crayon Monster

okay, so basically people are liars. you're a liar. i'm a liar. we are all liars. this past weekend i wasted my time with random junk and such. i don't know what this weekend is going to hold. am going to go to hot pink. i am determined and my mind is set on going to hot pink. it's this interesting little club in phoenix that only the cool kids know about. actually, it's okay and a lot of people do know about it. so i've been waiting for this call from this particular guy i've known for a few years now. he just doesn't call, but when he does he expects the world from me. i don't know-- as much as i adore this fella... sometimes i wonder if it's worth it. i mean, i know it is, but is it really? ha ha. i'm lame. but really, if he loves me like he says he does he would come see me and of course, fair's fair, i would go see him..... only if i had the finances to back me up. i work to pay taxes and for random school crap, but it just isn't enough for some people (i.e my sister.) parhaps that's his problem also. four years of this randomness with this guy is seriously causing me to just put it all away-- another closed chapter. augh! gawd. i am lame. waiting for this guy and the actuality of anything coming of our relationship is anything short from a miracle. ah well. i'll just fall deeper into the hole until... but (there's always a but), the thing is, it isn't a hole. it's something else.

So it's rare that people ridicule me (well, outside my close network of friends that is; however, it's mostly in jest) about how I live my life-- but I guess that's the way it always is.
A person, whose name shall remain classified, told me I was a total baby-- that I needed to grow up. This person also told me that I should stop crying and get a clue. Funny. The thing is I complain a lot about nonsensical things, it's like not even complaining most of the time; it's more like making fun of whatever. The close network of friends understand that- we're all atuned to each other's cynicism, quick qit, and flagrant remarks. I really don't know why I'm trying to justify this. I just don't think some people understand how I work. I'm not the nicest girl in the world; I'm not the most upstanding citizen, and really, there's a lot more than pureness and goodness to individuals than what is seen. I'm not really sorry for the things I do, well, sometimes a bit guilty, but you know- what's done is done----Which brings me to another subject: getting a clue. Get a clue? The person was referring to my imprudent nature. When it comes to guys, I'm "foolish and inept"-- his words not mine. So my choices are unwise sometimes and based on my current voracity-- I mean, how many people are right there with me? "Making mistakes is one thing, but to continue forth knowing something and walking right back into it is purely reckless" (again his words, not mine). Gawd, I'm not stupid. I know what I want, and I know what to do to go about getting it. That's not a bad thing. And Seriously now... augh. Whatever, it was like a bad Dawson's Creek re-run: chaotic. *sigh*

Anywho~ this morning I spilled paint on like three of my drawings. Drawings I actually worked on-- seriously, I like put my heart into it. They were pretty and I spilled paint all over them. I guess I could look it from perspective and say that it represents me in a dark void, but really, it would represent my clumsiness.
We have these kittens at home-- Zen aka Diego and Jag aka Mariz and they are like the greatest little things. Everytime I see them I just want to grab them by the heads and throw them to the floor because they're that damn adorable. However, they like to taunt this other animal that lives with us-> Chapita aka Tom Cruise. She is the stupidest dog ever!!!! She doesn't understand the meaning of "NO" or "GET OUT"; she just stares and stares and it's frustrating because she doesn't know how stupid she is. Sadness.

I'm done. I spoke my piece, and I am done. I think I'll head into Phoenix to get fried. Ha ha.